


Night Moves

by Supernaturalfragilisticexpialidocious



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, 15x19, 15x20, 80's Music, Alternate ending Supernatural, Angst, Bisexual, Bisexual Dean, Bottom Cas, Bottom Castiel (Supernatural), Bottom Dean, Cas's Death, Castiel Death, Conversations in the Impala (Supernatural), Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Week (Supernatural), Destiel canon - Freeform, Destiel's child, Fix It Fic, Flashback, Fluff, Gay Castiel, Homophobic John Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), LGBT, M/M, Making Out in the Impala (Supernatural), Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Night Moves, Sex in/on the Impala (Supernatural), Smut, Supernatural Death scene, Supernatural fix it, Switch Castiel, The Impala - Freeform, Top Cas, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Trauma, Young Castiel, Young Dean Winchester, Young!Dean Winchester, angel!cas - Freeform, death scene supernatural, destiel first kiss, drunk!Dean, first kiss destiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernaturalfragilisticexpialidocious/pseuds/Supernaturalfragilisticexpialidocious
Summary: Dean sits in silence, tears streaming down his face because Cas, the one person he really and truly loved was gone. Their song started playing on his ringtone as Sam tries to reach him. He breaks down over the loss of his lover, and he starts to remember some of the best times that they had together.Warnings (Spoilers) Cas's death scene mentioned - trauma mentions - suicide mentions - use of the f-slur in childhood trauma - death - loss of a loved one -
Relationships: CasDean, Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean And Castiel kid, Dean Winchester & John Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Cas, DeanCas, Destiel, John and Mary Winchester - Relationship, castiel novak/ dean winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 74





	Night Moves

**Author's Note:**

> I literally apologize in advance, I wrote this while sobbing my eyes out so also apologies in advance for all of the mistakes you're about to find, but I can't bring myself to re-read this shit. Anyway, I spent like a million hours on this so I really hope you enjoy.
> 
> _ 
> 
> I highly recommend listening along to the song 'Night Moves' for the full effect for this fic.
> 
> _______________________

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

“Because it is..”

“Don’t do this to me Cas..”

“I love you, Dean”

“Cas..”

“I love you..”

“I love you too..”

* * *

Dean slouched against the wall, his heart pounding so loudly that he couldn’t hear the sobs falling from his lips. Nevertheless, his cellphone continued vibrating furiously as Sam tried to get ahold of him to tell him that Chuck had Thanos snapped the world. His shaky hands grabbed fistfuls of his sweaty hair, trying to ground himself to something. The phone bounced with every ring, filling the air with the sounds of metal on concrete and the soft tune of an 80’s melody. 

Dean couldn’t catch his breath, his eyes closed as he laid his head against the brick wall behind him as he tried not to pass out. This didn't feel real. It wasn't real. It couldn't be.

The lyrics from his ringtone floated through one ear and out the other, threatening to bring up the memories he couldn’t bear to see, to feel. Not now and maybe not ever again. His mind floated, his breathing steadying for only a moment as the words registered. 

__

_" I was a little too tall_

_Could've used a few pounds_

_Tight pants points hardly reknown_

_He was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes _

_And points all his own sitting way up high_

_Way up firm and high "_

____

**He could see Cas’s eyes, not the soft blue ones he had come to love but the hard and cold ones that had met him in the barn that first night. They melted with a blink into the soft eyes of the Castiel who would bring him a cup of coffee in the morning if he accidentally slept in. The gentle gaze of them when he was hurt and the hard stare when he would tell the angel he was okay.**

**Dean first noticed the true color of his eyes the first time Cas had fallen asleep near him. He had woken up, groggy, pressed against another warm body, smiling slightly when he realized it was Cas. The angel had turned over, his eyes slowly opening. They were a dark blue, holding all the secrets of the world. stormy like an ocean being held back like tears. Yet they were soft and loving, wise from all the things he had seen. It was easy to get lost in their beauty, and Dean found himself often getting lost in the safety of blue.** ****

Dean was crying so hard that his body had slumped on his side, his whole body shook with anger and sadness. He tried to steady himself enough so that he wouldn’t pass out or throw up. He had never cried this hard. Each sob caused his body to lurch forward, hands desperately trying to grip to the cold floor. The phone’s ringtone was almost on silent but the sound of the lyrics was deafening. 

__

_" Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy_

_Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy _

_Workin' on mysteries without any clues_

_Workin' on our night moves "_

____

**The memory of their first kiss struck Dean like a punch. Cas was sitting on the hood of the Impala. Both of them were so tired that being lost was almost inevitable and when they had been on the same dirt road for 30 minutes Cas made a seriously exhausted Dean pull-off. When they got out of the car they both realized that there were thousands of stars shining brightly across the sky with no light pollution from the big cities. Dean had hopped onto the hood and without thinking picked up Castiel’s hand, staring up at the natural masterpiece. The angel didn’t even flinch, holding tightly to the other’s hand so he couldn’t pull away. When Dean had realized what he had done his face had gone a bright red. “Cas..” The other had a smug smile but turned with a slightly cocked head. “Yes, Dean?” Neither of them said anything else, they just held hands and looked up at the stars. Cas ended up getting cold and sat up, sliding off the hood, slowly releasing Dean’s hand. The man had panicked and in the moment, sat up, “Cas..” He grabbed the other’s wrist and pulled him into a short kiss. It was barely a kiss, but neither of them moved for a minute. “I-” Cas’s lips cracked into a smile and grabbed him by the front of his shirt pulling him into a real kiss, their lips fitting together like a perfect design. When they pulled away, Dean felt calm and safe, offering that they just curl up in the back of the impala so they could both get a little rest. The two of them curled in the back seat, snuggled underneath Cas’s trenchcoat, waking up more refreshed and happy than they had been in a long time.**

A loud sound brought Dean’s reality back, crashing down around him. He knew he had to move but his body was pinned to the floor as if he was holding the whole world on his shoulders. He stood up and the room started spinning, the outline of Castiel stood in the middle of the room. Dean reached out for him, the figure of light dissolving in his fingers. He felt like he was standing in the middle of a hurricane; and everything was quiet, for just a moment. 

__

_" We weren't in love oh no far from it_

_We weren't searching for some pie in the sky summit_

_We were just young and restless and bored_

_Living by the sword "_

____

**It was the little things that got to Dean, like when Cas would randomly show up with a slice of pie. It wasn't a big deal with respect to everything Castiel had done for them, but to Dean it meant everything. He knew it meant that Cas had thought about him and had taken the time to bring him something he loved. It was the small things that always meant the most, sometimes it was Cas dropping in just to go to dinner, or food a hug, or to bring them new ammo. It was the bigger things like waking up to a kiss and a freshly made cup of coffee or stopping at a nicer hotel or one of Dean's favorite restaurants for dinner. The idea of love was hard for Dean, and actually accepting it was even harder, but fall for Cas was one of the easiest things he ever did.**

The thing about hurricanes is that there are only a few seconds of calm before the storm's nastiest winds hit. Dean looked at his hands, which were empty, his head snapped back up, the hallucination of Castiel's outline fading in front of him. The man looked frantic, taking a deep breath and running a sweaty hand through his hair. "cas.." his eyes closed and his knees buckled, causing him to fall to the floor, catching himself on his hands and knees. There was nothing left to pray to, no one who was listening to him.

"Castiel..please..I need you..please..". He couldn't fathom the idea of being alone. Cas was his life support. 

____

  
_" And we'd steal away every chance we could_

_To the backroom, the alley, the trusty woods_

_I used her she used me but_ _neither one cared_

_We were getting our share "_

____

He rubbed at his eyes, his chest rising and falling frantically "I love you..do you understand that? can you hear me? I love you-" His voice was hoarse. Dean looked at his phone which was still going crazy on the floor. Each word of his ringtone felt like a sick joke. 

__

_" Workin' on our night moves_

_Trying to lose the awkward teenage blues _

_Workin' on our night moves_

_In the summertime "_

____

**When Dean turned 15 he stole a picture of Ewan Mcgregor from a magazine and hid it in his journal. When John found the picture he didn’t even ask why it was in the boy’s possession. He just beat the shit out of him, locking him in the bathroom for the weekend. For years the sentence John had repeated bounced around in his mind, slowly molding him to be afraid of himself, his true self. “No son of mine to grow up to be a faggot- you kiss a boy and I’ll kill you-.” Dean repressed every feeling he had for a long time, scared of being such a disappointment to his father.**

**John left to finish a hunt that night, and Sam opened the bathroom door. Sam had never seen Dean in such a bad shape; the teen’s body was covered in deep dark bruises and he had cried so much that his eyes had light rings of grey around them. 11-year-old Sam had no idea why his dad had this to his brother but he sat there, in the floor of the cold motel bathroom with his brother for hours in silence. “It's okay to love anyone..you know that..don’t you..no matter what Dad thinks..” Dean had turned to him, “I never want to hear you say that Sammy, not to me, especially not to Dad..” Sam pulled out a crumpled journal page with the picture on it, handing it over to his brother who accepted it with a shaky hand. “You shouldn’t have to be afraid of falling in love.”**

**When Dean had realized his feelings for Cas, he spent the night crying and drunk inside his hotel bathroom. The thought of love, having something nice with someone else was seemed too good to be true. He had internalized his father’s words. He could just never understand why being in love was so bad but at the same time never let himself have the ability to fall in love. He spent the whole night crying and drinking until there was a knock at the door, a worried Sam who had met up a day too early. Sam sat down beside his brother and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. An old journal page was folded up in his hand. Dean looked at his brother, opening his mouth to say something and choking out, “Is this who I’m supposed to be? “ Sam smiled sadly, putting the paper in Deans' hand, and pushed his fist closed, nodding. “You shouldn’t have to be afraid to fall in love..”**

Dean felt like he was stuck in a nightmare but he knew that it was all too real, his hands reached out to touch a memory that was already long gone. He stumbled to pick up his phone, but his hands were shaking so much that he couldn’t keep ahold of it. The man slammed his fist against the concrete floor, “COME BACK.” He growled, slamming his fists against the floor until his knuckles were bloody. This couldn't be it.. it couldn't be happening this way. This was not their goodbye, it couldn't be. 

__

> _" And oh the wonder_

_Felt the lightning_

_And we waited on the thunder _

_Waited on the thunder "_

____

**The first time Dean had said “I love you” to someone and meant it, it was just a regular Tuesday. It wasn’t a bad hunt but they had traveled a lot of backroads in the rain which meant that the impala had gotten pretty dirty. Castiel had seen how much it had bothered Dean but the man had been so tired that he had gone to take and shower and a nap that he hadn’t bothered to do anything with it. Dean woke up, getting something to drink, but he couldn’t find Cas anywhere in the bunker. Sam had pointed out to him that Cas hadn’t come in from the garage. Dean found him waxing a very clean and shiny baby. Castiel had looked so proud of himself and it just hit somewhere in Dean. He just kept looking from the car to his angel's face, jaw dropped slightly. "You cleaned my baby?" The other man just nodded, "I could tell that it was bothering you, but I knew you were too tired to do it yourself..so I did it.." Dean walked up to him, moving a hand to cup his stubbly chin, a grin plastered on his face, “I love you..”**

**That had stopped both of them in their tracks. Castiel was covered in mud and his hands were oily and covered in wax but he took both of Dean’s hands with a pretty hefty grin. “I love you too.”**

He rested his head against the floor, the coldness bringing him to his senses. Dean knew that he had to get up, he knew that Sam needed his help. He didn’t know if he was strong enough to move but he was dammed if he let anyone else he loved died. “Okay, Cas, you stupid son of a bitch..I’m gonna come and get you..” His voice was weak, he was almost scared about how broken it sounded. His hands scrambled to pick up the cell, holding it against his forehead, shakily trying to calm himself enough to hit talk. 

**__**

_" I woke last night to the sound of thunder_

_How far off I sat and wondered_

_Started humming a song from 1962"_

____

**Cas held up a cassette tape, going through the box from inside Dean’s glove compartment. “Aren’t these about 30 years out of date?” Dean shoved his arm gently. “No! They’re..you know.. vintage..” Castiel held up his hands, grinning slightly. “Just asking..” He flipped the tape around in his hands. “Night Moves..? What’s this song about?” The older Winchester smirked slightly. “Falling in love for the first time..sex..learning about who you are with someone else.” The angel tilted his head slightly. “That’s you..us..no?” Dean rolled his eyes and gently shoved the other’s shoulder, putting the tape in the sound of Bob Seger filling the car, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel. “Sure Cas..we’ll dub this our song, for whatever that’s worth to you..” The other man smiled, “it’s worth everything..”**

Dean pressed talk, but that was one thing he couldn’t seem to do. There was a panicked voice on the other side of the phone. “Dean?? What happened? Are you okay?” A choked sob filled the empty space. “Sammy..” There was immediate worry in his brother’s voice. “Dean?.. Where’s Cas-” The man had zoned out, the soft melody of ‘their song’ playing in his head, his frantic heartbeat keeping time.

____

_" Ain't it funny how the night moves_

_When you just don't seem to have as much to lose_

_Strange how the night moves_

_With autumn closing in"_

____

The silence scared Sam even more. “Dean? Tell me what the hell is going on?” Dean ran a hand down his face, trying to collect his thoughts. He could kill himself and he was sure the pain would somehow linger. Dean felt shattered, no other way to describe having your soulmate ripped from you.

He took a shaky deep breath, whispering into his phone. 

“He’s gone..”


End file.
